Reclaim your femininity for good.
Did you lose your feminine spirit somewhere? Spoiler: make-up, gel nails or heels are not the solution.
Full disclosure, I despise wearing skirts and I grew to dislike make-up. I wasn’t a girly girl growing up but I definitely felt feminine at the time, and very much like the young woman I was.
Ultimately, I felt great wearing jeans, trainers and a hoody. I was happy, I looked after myself, and I paid attention to my hygiene and appearance. I didn’t consider this would ever change, but how wrong I was.
My creeping chronic symptoms slowly stripped me of my feeling of femininity. My skin was so bad that I didn’t want to be seen. My extreme bloating deterred me wearing clothes I felt good in. My lack of energy meant I could barely look after myself, and I began putting on weight and reducing my activity levels. I felt anything but feminine and maybe more along the lines of a lumpy ogre.
I became truly miserable and hated my body. Where did the happy young woman go?
Sophie felt the same, having gained excess weight, yet again, since moving to a new city for a job. Her favourite clothes were too snug so she opted for the baggy ones. She wasn’t as smiley as she used to be.
Every day she scrutinised her body in the mirror, which made her feel even worse. Why she did that she doesn’t know but she knew something had to change. Her body dysmorphia took up far too much of her energy and it was destructive to her self-esteem.
She wanted to reclaim a previous version of herself where she felt good in her body. She wanted her spark back! This new city and job was meant to be a fresh start for her and yet, something was clearly missing.
Sophie found out what.
Remember the good times.
No, this isn’t salt for wounds. I mean, look back at what brought you happiness. For me, at my lowest points, I lost sight of everything that made me happy because it felt like absolutely everything, and I mean everything, was inaccessible. That of course wasn’t true and Sophie realised this too.
Where Sophie lived before, she attended dance classes, went to the local Sunday market for street food stalls, and treated herself to a cinema trip every month.
Since moving and because her finances were in a pinch, Sophie didn’t feel she could afford dance classes or movie tickets, and just thinking about the street food stalls made her trousers feel tighter.
However, that wasn’t all that Sophie loved doing. She used to love walking to and from her former workplace, taking a scenic route through a park. When she was at university, she occasionally did cat sitting for her neighbour - Sophie misses the cats she grew up with! She also recalled that when she was a teenager, she was obsessed with making jewellery.
This trip down memory lane got the ball rolling for Sophie to find things she could fit into her day to make her happy. They didn’t have to be expensive or time-intensive.
As an experiment, she woke up 30 minutes early every day for one week and tried new routes to work and discovered that if she took a bus half way and walked the rest, she got to walk through a historic district with stunning old townhouses that were a feast for the eyes.
She mentioned in her neighbourhood WhatsApp group that she had experience cat sitting and would love the opportunity to spend more time with cats. The family 6 doors down took her up on her offer immediately.
Although Sophie didn’t feel jewellery-making was right for her now, she liked the idea of occupying her hands and doing something creative. She mentioned this to her colleague, who recommended cross stitching.
After just one week, Sophie found herself happy again. Already, she felt feminine because of that warm glow that was coming from within her and shining out.
Flash that gorgeous smile of yours.
You don’t have to have great teeth to have a gorgeous smile. It’s more about the energy behind your smile.
We’ve all done the forced smile and seen others do the same, whether they’re a supermodel or otherwise. Anyone can see through it and a real smile beats a fake one every time.
I know on my darkest days I feel smiling is absolutely impossible. Plus, whenever I’ve heard anyone say “Cheer up, love!”, I’ve felt red-hot rage and had the urge to throw something hard at them. Charming!
This is all to say that I know it’s tough to smile sometimes, but smiling is definitely what makes me feel feminine. Sophie discovered this accidentally after that week of discovering things that made her happy.
Cross stitching, her scenic walk to work, and cat sitting made her so happy that she couldn’t help but smile everywhere she went! Her colleagues noticed and the dynamic in the office changed for the better. Sophie was simply more approachable at work and this extra positive attention elevated Sophie’s mood further!
Her smile was authentic. Her laughs were too. Sophie couldn’t care less about her appearance in those moments. She was having fun and feeling great exactly as she was, no matter the clothes she chose to wear that day.
Let generosity in.
I used to find it so hard to receive compliments. I’d bat them away by giving one back to shift attention away from me.
I also love fixing and lifting things and tend to decline help when someone is offering. However, like Sophie, I learned that letting others give things to me, like compliments, help, or even gifts, is what truly makes me feminine. My mentor taught me that women are designed to receive!
Once I got used to being so happy and smiling all the time, I was attracting all sorts of help and compliments in particular - it was rather overwhelming and uncomfortable. I won’t lie and say it wasn’t nice, but it was certainly an unexpected outcome!
Sophie had the same experience and experimented with letting all the generosity she attracted in. Anytime someone said how nice her outfit was, she smiled and said “Thanks!”, without automatically saying something equally complimentary back.
When her colleague offered to buy her a drink after their exhausting team project was finally complete, she graciously accepted without feeling the need to pay her colleague back.
When the sweaty and panting delivery man offered to bring her heavy parcel up two flights of stairs to her apartment door, she let him, despite feeling a little sorry for him. She'd learned that men like to give and they felt especially heroic when helping a woman.
By being receptive to this generosity, she connected with each of her givers, letting them know they had done a nice deed. Sophie got to feel even happier for it! She felt amazing in her outfit all day, looking forward to when she might wear it again. She saved money at the bar and her back thanked her for not carrying a heavy parcel up stairs.
Sophie kept up this practice of being a great receiver and she wishes she’d started doing this sooner! The results were too good!
The happy outcome?
When Sophie looks in the mirror she is delighted at what she sees. Sophie’s small changes in taking care of her happiness meant that slowly but surely, that excess weight started to drop without her even trying, and she’s managed to keep it off!
Her original clothes fit great again and she naturally swings her hips when she walks, she feels so good.
Sophie even plucked up the courage to begin dating and the guy she’s seeing cannot get enough of her! His masculinity was instantly drawn to her feminine spirit. He loves it when she talks about her hobbies. He finds her smile and laugh intoxicating, and he takes her to the cinema every month because she wholeheartedly receives the offer!
Needless to say, Sophie found her femininity again and it looks like it’s here to stay!
