3 ways to quieten your mind.
Are you exhausted by the constant noise in your head? Try these 3 things and hear that sweet silence return.
Does your mind seem to be abuzz with noise? To-do lists, worries, important dates coming up, a song you can’t get out of your head?
If, like me, you find yourself drained by the busyness in your head, and you just want some peace and silence, it is 100% possible to achieve. Lin is a prime example of how the loudest of minds can turn serene.
Lin inherited high blood pressure and she was dead scared something bad was going to happen to her. As a teenager she was extremely anxious and afraid of becoming sick, having a stroke, or dying young.
She had racing thoughts day in and day out. This became her normal, to be mentally exhausted all the time. It wasn’t a great way to live and she was 100% aware of this.
Lin opted to take medication to manage her high blood pressure and anxiety, but even so, she rarely did new things or went travelling, which was a shame because the idea of seeing the world truly brought her happiness.
This is what spurred her on, her vision to travel without fear someday. First, she needed to get her mind to quieten down, and this is what she did.
Share with someone you feel safe with.
'Safe' is one of those words that gets tossed about but I’d like to clarify what it really means to feel safe and be a safe person.
To me, feeling safe is being with someone who listens to me with their full attention, doesn’t judge me, and doesn’t tell me what to do. Being a safe person is the same, but on the reciprocal end i.e. giving your full attention, passing no judgement and refraining from giving unsolicited advice or instructions.
Safe people are hard to find but they are not elusive. To me, my safe people are a handful of friends and some coaches I know.
Lin found a coach she felt safe with and in her consultation call she bared all. She’d been bottling up so much fear and many negative self fulfilling prophecies that they all came spilling out. In doing so, she felt so much relief. Finally, her feelings were out and it was clear they needed to come out.
In her action of sharing with a safe person all that was in her heart, her mind immediately began to quieten down. Was it that easy? Turns out it was.
The hard part was finding that safe person but Lin had been so committed to travelling that she asked around, did her research, and found the right person for her to talk to.
Lin was well on her way!
Tune into your own radio station and gift yourself some TLC.
Like Lin, when my mind gets loud and full of the scaries, my self care flies out the window; The radio station that is ‘my wants and needs’ gets drowned out.
I get consumed with my ‘shoulds’, my responsibilities, and I turn my attention away from my basic welfare. I want things to feel OK again so ‘intuitively’, I work harder. I say ‘intuitively’ because for some reason, my brain has come to equate hard work with better wellbeing.
Turns out, that is a whole load of hooey. I think it’s because I watched adults growing up prioritise responsibilities over themselves, so I thought I had to do the same. However, I know for a fact that there are plenty of people who do this and their minds are as loud as the Victoria line on the London Underground. I know mine can be!
Lin had a familiar pattern of doubling down on her responsibilities when her anxiety ramped up but she tried something different, just as an experiment.
The idea of focussing attention inwards with TLC seemed incredibly foreign to Lin, but she had nothing to lose.
One Tuesday afternoon when her work deadlines were feeling overwhelming and she noticed heart palpitations, Lin's own radio signal broke through the noise in her head. It signalled that she had an urge to splash water on her face, and to her surprise, she listened to that urge. Off she went to the bathroom and the cool water on her face instantly soothed her.
After towelling off, the radio signal was more crisp and what she wanted next was to exert herself in some way. A walk outside? Yes, that felt doable, given her office was 3 minutes from the common. She returned to her desk, gave a quick heads up to her team that she was taking a breather.
Lin took herself out for a brisk 30 minute walk on the common. The fresh air, the sight of green grass, the chatter of birds, deep breaths, legs marching. This is exactly what she needed. The overwhelm? The palpitations? The noise? Gone.
When Lin returned to her desk, she felt completely renewed. A splash of water and a walk was all it took to quieten her mind, and her body. Now, those deadlines felt like a piece of cake and she continued her work with ease.
Lin decided that this not so time consuming or radical approach was entirely achievable to fit into her day. All she needed to do was to listen to how she felt and what she wanted, in any given moment, especially when things felt terrifying, and to honour herself with some basic TLC.
She carried this practice with her at work, at home, or out with her friends. With time, radio Lin was easier to tune into and the noise of anxiety was quicker to dissipate.
All her responsibilities were tended to but she took care of herself first before turning that attention out towards other things and other people.
Take stock of what you have.
If you’re thinking, "Yeah, that’s great and all. I tried that but sometimes the noise just keeps coming back after I’ve given myself TLC", you’re definitely not alone.
Sometimes the overwhelm is like a mammoth sitting on you and it won’t get up. It feels like there’s no getting around that so you may as well just let all the thoughts play out in your head. You kind of welcome the noise because you’re so used to it anyway.
Lin can relate. She felt so discouraged when 8 weeks later she found herself in floods of tears at her kitchen table on a Saturday night. She doesn’t even know what brought it on but there she was, sobbing uncontrollably. The noisy thoughts got to her and everything felt like it was falling apart.
Her dream of travelling felt impossible. How would she be able to if she found herself lost and unable to communicate with anyone and her phone was out of battery and all she could do is cry because she wasn’t great in a crisis and what would happen if she had a stroke abroad and…on and on her thoughts raced.
It was devastating, to see her dream getting further out of reach.
This focus on what she might not have one day was crushing, and certainly not serving her in any way.
Something Lin had learned from her coach was in moments like this, take stock of what you have right now. She had only tried this once during a session and to be fair, it had made her feel good, so she thought it was worth a shot now.
Lin looked around and focussed on her surroundings. She saw her beautiful kitchen, which she was so happy with because she had only recently had it redesigned to her liking.
On the counter was her medication, which she diligently took, for her peace of mind. She was reminded of her doctor and the last appointment she had, where he made an awful dad joke which had them both chuckling. She really liked her doctor, because he had familial hypertension himself so he understood Lin's worries really well.
By this point, Lin had stopped sobbing.
She stood up and had a quick stretch before making a cup of coffee. Lin mentally thanked her pilates instructor for the shoulder stretches she shared in class a couple of weeks ago.
What a great selection of hot drinks to choose from! Lin momentarily took 'taking stock' literally and counted 21 herbal teas and coffees she’d collected and been gifted, especially by her best friend.
Lin was grateful for her best friend, who she’d known for 9 years. With a now neutral look on her face, Lin finished making her coffee and went to her comfy sofa. She loved this sofa and the accompanying squishy cushions and woolen blanket. While she sat, she looked in her calendar app and noticed the upcoming gig she had tickets to. It was only a week away!
Immediately, Lin decided to play that band’s music on her phone and she passionately sang along, eyes closed, imagining herself at the gig.
Wait, what? About 8 minutes ago she’d been sobbing at the kitchen table and now she was singing?
In that time, Lin had taken stock of around 10 things she had in her life, not what she didn’t have or couldn’t have. Her intentional focus is what stopped her mind in its tracks and diverted all energy to what really mattered; Lin’s here and now.
She alone did that. She quietened her mind and her body. What a superpower to have!
Needless to say, Lin had a wonderful evening performing a solo gig to her houseplants in her living room. She had this moment to look back on the next time she felt herself crumbling.
She was armed with the evidence and knowledge that she could take stock of what she had, not what was missing, and the noise would eventually go.
The happy outcome?
Lin’s best friend thinks an alien invaded and replaced Lin, because she’s never seen her this relaxed before. Lin takes so much time for herself, still gets things done, and she doesn’t live in a state of constant anxiety. She’s turned into one of those enviable people! Maybe she really is an alien!
I assure you Lin is still Lin, but her practice of sharing what’s on her mind with a safe person, her habit of honouring her own feelings and wants, and her now daily ritual of finding 10 things she has in her life, has made her into the version of herself she always wanted to be.
In consultation with her doctor, Lin decided to stop all her medication entirely - her doctor agreed she didn't really need it because she was managing her symptoms so well.
What about her travels? Lin trusts she’ll be OK. She never thought she’d say that but after her first solo trip to Oslo, where everything went without a hitch, she’s booked her flights to Berlin and she can’t wait to go!
