Self-management for chronic conditions
In the clinic, we are advised to self manage after receiving diagnosis and key treatment is given. Understandably, this is because healthcare systems are not designed to do hands-on aftercare, especially not for critical conditions.
However, self-management is somewhat of a misnomer because when many of the women I hear from were managing a chronic illness or condition by theirselves, without anyone guiding them, they weren’t getting anywhere.
They were going around in circles and simply surviving. Barely surviving, even. That was happening to me too.
There was something missing between a diagnosis (or treatment) and self-management. A massive gap.
I know for me, I wanted to be living a full and meaningful life with whatever conditions came my way but it seemed out of reach.
Myself and the women I meet only began getting our lives back and living them fully when we used outside-the-self management, which was a specific mix of vital support:
people with lived experience who truly understood what is going on with us
safe people to share with
people who enjoy doing the same things we enjoy doing
professional relationship training to help us see where we might be going wrong and the tools to get us back on track
When those 4 pieces were in place, my health and many women’s health shifted drastically.
Self-management isn’t about doing it alone.
Carecrows offers all 4 pieces towards your self-management.
Why it feels tough to self-manage
4 steps towards self-management
...and you won’t feel so alone.
Be open and vulnerable. Share and you’ll be surprised what random stranger, family member, colleague or friend is going through what you are.
How?
Start a conversation with:
I live with [your chronic condition] and I feel [a feeling word]’ and watch how the conversation unfolds.
E.g. I live with endometriosis and I feel exhausted.
A Health Survey for England in 2024 revealed that around 48% of women and 44% of men have a chronic condition. So, it is likely you will meet someone who knows and understands the exhaustion, grief, pain, shame, frustration or anger that can ensue from living with a chronic condition.
You are truly not alone.
By going first you are taking that first step towards self-management.
It begins with being a bit vulnerable and brave, but you can totally do it.
If you’d like more encouragement…
Ahead of having starting these types of conversations, pop me a message on WhatsApp at 07857 783 768 and I’d be delighted to give you some pep with a voicenote or a little message.
1. Seek shared lived experience
Chronic illness can isolate you and tear you apart.
You get to decide whether you let it.
Your tried and tested guide.
2. Talk to a safe person
This doesn’t have to be someone with the same condition as you, or any condition at all! It doesn’t even have to be someone you know really well.
Someone who respects you, your choices, listens to you and offers no judgement nor unsolicited advice is a safe person.
How?
1. Thank them for being a safe person. This becomes a reinforcement tool and fuels the ‘safe-person fulfilling prophecy’.
Thank them every time they listen and respect your decisions.
Thank them for simply being there.
Thank them for keeping judgements and advice out of your interactions.
Thank them for keeping what you share safe and secret.
Thank them for their time.
You can have multiple safe people so you don’t dump every thought and feeling onto one person, which inevitably leads to resentment on both sides, resulting in you losing that safe person.
You get to choose your safe person/people and make a new selection if someone doesn’t feel safe anymore.
2. To keep your safe person or people, I invite you to practice respect by reciprocating safety back.
Creating safety yourself looks like being a great listener and keeping what they share secret.
In your conversation with your potential safe person, use the words ‘I hear you’ to simply listen to your conversation partner.
Listen and listen, without mentally preparing a response or interrupting.
If you’re getting stuck on this step,..
I invite you to reach out for a trial call and we can uncover what might be going on.
3. Join a community and choose wisely
A community that lifts you, inspires you and promotes great habits is the best one. Those which grow your pain or rage are not advised.
A community gives you something to do. It offers solidarity and companionship. It helps you see new perspectives and allows you to discover things about yourself that have been locked away.
How?
Dedicate 1 hour per week, just as an experiment, e.g.
Go to a drop-in support group online or at your local library.
Join a trial session at a choir.
Book a taster improv class.
Simply explore! Online or offline. Condition-related or not condition-related. Something you’re familiar with or completely new to.
Give anything you’re mildly interested in a try.
It can be free, or you can treat yourself to, say, a pottery class or salsa social. Whatever you decide fills you up, I know you have the commitment and courage to try it just this once.
Consider it to be an experiment which you can stop any time.
Eventually an experiment might turn into a community you never want to leave because you feel so good! This happened to me with improv, which started out as 1 taster session in March 2025. I fell head over heels in love and discovered a community I never want to leave.
If and when you try your experiment,...
I’d love to hear how it went! Good or bad, there is no judgement on my side. Email me at shivani@carecrows.com with what you did and how it turned out.
I’d love to celebrate you for simply giving it a go, no matter the outcome.
You deserve the recognition.
Your relationship with:
1) people
2) your environment
3) what you consume
4) your activities
5) yourself
and, if applicable,
6) a higher power
might feel different now you have a diagnosis or condition.
Don’t let your circumstances be the thing that destroys those precious relationships. I'm the warning story and I want better for you.
Instead, empower yourself with tools and skills that can make your life less stressful, infinitely fun, and more connected.
How?
Ask yourself ‘What do I want most right now?’ and ‘What will that get me?’
What relationship(s) do your answers pertain to e.g. yourself, people, activities, environment, what you consume, higher power, or a mix?
What feels missing or off-kilter right now?
Maybe you’ve just figured out the solution from answering these questions and for that I congratulate you! You are well on your way to self-management!
However, what if a solution feels completely out of reach?
I invite you to seek the relationship specialist right for you.
Perhaps it’s Carecrows and if so, please do give me a shout.
If I don't feel like the best fit for you, message me anyway and I can point you in a direction that might suit you better.
4. Get professional relationship training
